Starring: Lora Burke , Nick Smyth, Colin Paradine, James Fler
Written and Directed by: Gabriel Carrer and Reese Evenshen
Running Time: 80 Minutes

“Sometimes it seems like the past only exists to haunt us.”

If this sounds like the most original and profound insight you’ve ever heard, strap in for a mind-blowing journey of muttering artistes and radiating angst. Sometimes magical realism elements exist to highlight or even serve as metaphorical obscurity for a theme. This is closer to two parallel stories running alongside each other…although running is optimistic. More like loping alongside. This movie has nowhere to be, and takes forever to get there.

First we’re introduced to the tepid love between two ladies, one of which is involved in the music industry. The introduction involving a nightmare and a therapist session basically reveals the supernatural twist from the starting gate if the poster and marketing didn’t do that already.

So while we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, what do we have to watch in the mean time? Lots and lots of REALLY bad songwriting. I’m sorry, music taste may be somewhat subjective but some of these lyrics are laugh out loud wretched…
“What do you want with me? Go do your worse to me. Are you here to torture me…put my heart in a hearse.”

These are the kind of overwrought unintentionally goofy songs you’d hear in either a pop song version of This is Spinal Tap, or just an annual showing of Eurovision. It doesn’t help that the lyrics are so completely on the nose to what the film is showing. It makes the proceedings all feel ridiculously indulgent and more than a little silly despite some very dark themes. The idea of the maniacal mad artist mentor luring the talented ingenue into his web is compelling. Black Swan and Whiplash show that the obsession of art can make for compelling drama and even horror.

Bloodthirsty though doesn’t have the budget or oomph to be nearly as portentous as it hopes to be. All it grasps is pretentious waffling, which is painful to watch play out in slow motion. The practical gore effects try tom but like the maudlin acting, leaden writing, and turgid singing its trying way too hard to be believable, and the seams show a little too quickly. Camera work is nice, but you can’t build a sandcastle on the most solid of foundations, and when even the big reveal is disappointing you aren’t left with much to recommend.


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