COSMOS: WAR OF THE PLANETS

STARRING: John Richardson, Yanti Sommer, Gaetano Balestrieri, Nicolas Barthe, Aldo Canti, Vassili Karis

1977, 95 Minutes, Directed by: Alfonso Brescia

Description: Astronaut Mike Leighton has just been given an assignment to travel to an unexplored planet. His mission is to investigate an intercepted message that originated there. While exploring the unknown territory, Mike and his crew discover an alien civilization that is being enslaved by a giant robot in a maze of subterranean tunnels. Now our hero must prepare for a confrontation with the robot, with the fate of an entire civilization in his hands.  — Amazon.com

A genuine “so bad, it’s good” movie of the sort in which every “creative” decision made will simply have you stare at the screen in slack-jawed disbelief, right from the dopy Flash Gordon costumes to the wildly inappropriate Switched on Bach soundtrack. But make no mistake, like Homer Simpson you’ll be begging them to stop the pain because, after all, you’re just a man . . .

Hard to believe that even though this Italian sci-fi flick looks like something out of the ‘Fifties that it was actually made in the late-1970s to cash in on the popularity of Star Wars. In fact it is shot so cheaply that it makes your average classic Doctor Who episode look like the product of deranged spendthrifts with Titanic-sized budgets! It also seems to be shot on the same rock quarry, except the one always used in Who was usually much better lit.

The plot involves a team of astronauts exploring said rock quarry, er sorry, planet where they come across a giant robot intent on ruling the galaxy. Or something like that. When the plot isn’t nonexistent, it’s incoherent to the point of incomprehensibility. Still, DIY Mystery Science Theater 3000 types should check it out. Just have some like-minded friends, popcorn and beer (loads of it) on hand.

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