an unspecified cataclysm, groups of post-apocalyptic survivors hang out in
the more scenic parts of Southern Utah. Here they are picked off by a
group of evil cyborgs who need fresh human blood for some reason to
survive (why not oil? or was their designer into alternative energy
The evil cyborgs are led by one Job, played by Lance Henriksen.
If you only know Henriksen from his lead role in the Millennium TV
series and as Bishop, the android in Aliens,
then you'd be expecting an understated performance bordering on the
somnambulant. Well, then you haven't seen him in either this 1993 movie or
as the white-suited villain in the John Woo/Jean Claude van Damme vehicle
Hard Target (also 1993!).
Our Lance can be quite the ham, and his acting here is really, really
wildly over-the-top. For some reason Henriksen decided that literally
spewing copious amounts of spittle would be a good performance choice. Eww
At the beginning of the movie a group of said survivors is killed off by
the evil cyborg baddies. A small girl manages to escape and to grow up as
Kathy Long, ?five-time kickboxing champion? as the DVD back cover informs
one. Naturally she vows revenge and is later fortunate enough to be saved
and trained to kill cyborgs by a "good"
cyborg named Gabriel who bears an
uncanny resemblance to a well-known Country & Western singer with acting
would seem that Gabriel was designed to kill all the bad cyborgs by the
who designed and built the bad cyborgs -
as if to erase the
mistake he had made (can't someone erase this movie instead?). Some more
thought should have gone into this since there are ?hundreds? of the evil
cyborgs (in one funny scene Job recounts how the hundreds of cyborgs are
going to over-run the entire planet, heh-heh), but only one of Gabriel.
Anyhow, not to let logic get in the way of what passes as the plot. Later
on, the Kathy Long character infiltrates the enemy cyborg camp and picks
them off one by one in a standoff. Except now there only seems to be a
handful of them, and not the hundreds mentioned earlier on.
The climax is one long yawn-inducing and seemingly endless martial arts
sequence of the ?hey, there's like twenty of us and only two of
instead of us storming them all at once and overwhelming them, let's fight
them one by one and get picked off one by one in the process?
point my wife fell asleep (sleep will come as a mercy in this movie!) and
woke up a bit later on only to find out that they were still fighting.
"Blah blah blah blah," she intoned. My sentiments exactly.
If the words boredom and cyborgs ring a bell, then it's because they are
synonymous with the director Albert Pyun (does it rhyme with pain?), whose
other movies such as Nemesis and
Cyborg should be banned under the Geneva
Convention or something . . .
DISC: In addition to South Africa having one of the worst crime rates
in the world and suffering from grinding poverty and social inequality, it
is probably the only country in the world where you can find Knights
on DVD! You don't know how many sleepless nights
(no pun intended) this is causing me.
And no, I'm not being sarcastic. I've surfed all over the web and good
luck finding this movie on DVD anywhere else on the planet (e-mail
me if your country also has the dubious distinction of having Knights
available on DVD -
maybe we can start a club or something). You'll only
find it on VHS elsewhere.
This DVD comes compliments of Next Video, and I wanted to publish
their details here for
their own Little Corner of Internet Shame, except then I remembered
that they are also the local distributors of the excellent cult fave
Presented in full screen (probably transferred from the masters used to
produce videotape copies) the sound and image isn't too bad. Better than
VHS I suppose -
after all, have you ever tried playing Frisbee with a VHS
The menu however is the worst I've ever seen on a DVD (and that includes
those quickie jobbies done on Malaysian pirate discs!) -
cheap-looking it has one static screen with a Play option and scene access
right below it (the chapters are presented as Scene 1, Scene2
and so forth - I kid you not!)