BOA VS. PYTHON
Boa vs. Python (2004)
Stars: Jaime Bergman, David Hewlett, Adam Kendrick,
Angel Boris, Kirk B.R.
Woller, Atanas Srebrev
Director: David Flores
Region:
2
(Europe,
Japan, South Africa and the Middle East including Egypt)
DVD
Features:
Aspect Ratio: 1.85 Anamorphic Wide Screen;
Available Audio
Tracks: Dolby Digital 5.1;
Main Language:
English;
Dubbed Language(s):
Italian, Spanish;
Subtitles:
Arabic, Bulgarian, Croatian, Czech, Danish, Dutch, English, Finnish,
Greek, Hebrew, Hindi, Hungarian, Icelandic, Italian, Norwegian, Polish,
Portuguese, Romanian, Slovene, Spanish, Swedish, Turkish;
Hearing Impaired:
English,
Disc Format: DVD 5
Movie:   
Disc:
 What
do you do when you have a giant mutant killer snake on the loose? Why, get
another giant mutant killer snake to hunt it down and kill it, of course!
Or at least that's the way an FBI agent reasons when a giant 70 foot snake
escapes captivity and goes on a rampage devouring two teenagers smooching
in a car (obviously!) and an obnoxious TV news presenter amongst others.
"That's the stupidest idea
I've heard,"
exclaims the handler (Canadian
David Hewlett) of the snake being conscripted into tracking down the
escaped one. That's your tax dollars in operation I guess, but he
regardlessly
goes along with the cockamamie scheme because . . . well, I suppose there
wouldn't have been a movie then
-
which wouldn't have been a bad thing, I suppose, of this shoddy
straight-to-DVD effort.
Goofy premise aside, this movie features:
-
horrendously fake-looking CGI snakes that make Sir Hiss,
the cartoon snake
in Disney's Robin Hood, look
positively menacing in comparison
-
a Bulgarian night club with strippers in which the DJ gets chomped
-
a bad guy that rips off his shirt to show off his abs at every opportunity
while chewing on a cigar
-
two former Playmates one of whom has a gratuitous nude bathing scene in
which the camera positively lingers I tell you
-
lots of running around in generic monster movie tunnels of the sort we
always get to see in the likes of
Alien Lockdown, Spiders, and so forth.
If
the above makes Boa vs. Python sound like a lot of B-movie fun,
then don't be fooled: the repetitive soundtrack at times grated on my
nerves and those snakes looked really really bad. The action is also
pretty generic.
(Hey, I wrote this entire review without any Peter North, John Holmes or
even Dirk Diggler cracks. Ooops . . .)
THE DISC: Just the trailer, scene access and an animated menu that
endlessly repeats that annoying soundtrack I referred to. You'd better
click "Play"
quickly before the tune drives you up the walls!
WORTH IT? Still, it's better than
Dragon Storm and Spiders II: Breeding
Ground when it comes to cheapo straight-to-video fodder. And there is
a decidedly sick, twisted scene involving a horny teenager girl and a
large snake in a car . . .
RECOMMENDATION: I'll save you the
bother and quote my favourite lines
from the movie right here so you don't have to go see it:
"I don't have time to stand here all night and argue reptile rights with
you, doctor!"
"In my book, people who play with snakes are creepy."
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