BOA VS. PYTHON

Boa vs. Python (2004)

Stars: Jaime Bergman, David Hewlett, Adam Kendrick, Angel Boris, Kirk B.R. Woller, Atanas Srebrev
Director: David Flores

Encoding: Region 2 (Europe, Japan, South Africa and the Middle East including Egypt)

DVD Features: Aspect Ratio: 1.85 Anamorphic Wide Screen; Available Audio Tracks: Dolby Digital 5.1; Main Language: English; Dubbed Language(s): Italian, Spanish; Subtitles: Arabic, Bulgarian, Croatian, Czech, Danish, Dutch, English, Finnish, Greek, Hebrew, Hindi, Hungarian, Icelandic, Italian, Norwegian, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Slovene, Spanish, Swedish, Turkish; Hearing Impaired: English, Disc Format: DVD 5

Movie: * ½
Disc: * ½

What do you do when you have a giant mutant killer snake on the loose? Why, get another giant mutant killer snake to hunt it down and kill it, of course!

Or at least that’s the way an FBI agent reasons when a giant 70 foot snake escapes captivity and goes on a rampage devouring two teenagers smooching in a car (obviously!) and an obnoxious TV news presenter amongst others.

“That’s the stupidest idea I’ve heard,” exclaims the handler (Canadian David Hewlett) of the snake being conscripted into tracking down the escaped one. That’s your tax dollars in operation I guess, but he regardlessly goes along with the cockamamie scheme because . . . well, I suppose there wouldn’t have been a movie then — which wouldn’t have been a bad thing, I suppose, of this shoddy straight-to-video (or is that straight-to-DVD?) effort.

Goofy premise aside, this movie features:

horrendously fake-looking CGI snakes that make Sir Hiss, the cartoon snake in Disney’s Robin Hood, look positively menacing in comparison
a Bulgarian night club with strippers in which the DJ gets chomped
a bad guy that rips off his shirt to show off his abs at every opportunity while chewing on a cigar
two former Playmates one of whom has a gratuitous nude bathing scene in which the camera positively lingers I tell you
lots of running around in generic monster movie tunnels of the sort we always get to see in the likes of Alien Lockdown, Spiders, and so forth.

If the above makes Boa vs. Python sound like a lot of B-movie fun, then don’t be fooled: the repetitive soundtrack at times grated on my nerves and those snakes looked really really bad. The action is also pretty generic.

(Hey, I wrote this entire review without any Peter North, John Holmes or even Dirk Diggler cracks. Ooops . . .)

THE DISC: Just the trailer, scene access and an animated menu that endlessly repeats that annoying soundtrack I referred to. You’d better click ‘Play’ quickly before the tune drives you up the walls!

WORTH IT? Still, it’s better than Dragon Storm and Spiders II: Breeding Ground when it comes to cheapo straight-to-video fodder. And there is a decidedly sick, twisted scene involving a horny teenager girl and a large snake in a car . . .

RECOMMENDATION: I’ll save you the bother and quote my favourite lines from the movie right here so you don’t have to go see it:

"I don't have time to stand here all night and argue reptile rights with you, doctor!"

"In my book, people who play with snakes are creepy."