Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I
Instead of actually going to see the movie we just cut and paste bits from an old review . . .
Instead of forking out hard-earned cash to actually go see the latest Twilight movie, we thought we’d just save ourselves a lot of hassle and mental anguish by cutting and pasting and searching and replacing bits from our review for Twilight Saga: New Moon here. All the Twilight movies are the same in any case and the chances are you probably won’t even spot the difference . . . Enjoy!
Watching Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I is a bit like having your own real-life sulky teenager living under your roof . . .
As you might gather from the above description, Breaking Dawn Part I isn’t particularly fun. Like a real angsty teenager the movie is oh-so serious and humorless. There is so much teenage angst piling up in Breaking Dawn Part I that you need a jetpack to stay above it all!
This is still one of the silliest movie franchises out there and one which is totally critic proof. People will still go see it even if there are verifiable reports that watching it makes your eyes bleed.
Breaking Dawn Part I will make a killing at the box office and maybe I would have liked it if I were several years younger and didn’t have a penis. But unlike the Harry Potter movies, the so-called Twilight Saga has very little to offer anyone outside the franchise’s core target demographic, namely hormonally imbalanced teenager girls in this case. Like Mamma Mia! men who get dragged into cinemas to see it by their wives and girlfriends will be nonplussed as to the movie’s appeal. (Hint: it’s all about actor Robert Pattinson.)
Clocking in at 117 minutes Breaking Dawn Part I has more teenage angst that any reasonable adult should be allowed to endure.
The problem is the source material. It’s as if Ned Flanders tried his hand at writing a bestseller. No-one over the age of sixteen should take any of this stuff seriously. The problem is however that the movie never transcends the material at hand.
The special effects are awful too. Really lousy, and one has to wonder what they spent the rumored $127 million budget on. (Probably gym memberships for the cast.)
So in short: Breaking Dawn Part I is silly, overlong, too serious and humorless with some bad acting. It simply drags on forever. In some ways the movie’s most corny moments are hilariously funny, which makes it this year’s funniest movie in many ways. But then again, it’s not supposed to be a comedy.
Note: The movie is not to be confused with Asian Dawn, the terrorist group Hans Gruber read about in Time in Die Hard.