The Prometheus backlash begins here (handy comments system available to leave your hate mail) . . .

There is no other film which has Internet geeks as hyper right now as Prometheus, the upcoming Alien prequel directed by Ridley Scott. (Nope, not even Dark Knight Rises or The Avengers.)

This super-secretive project has been the source of nonstop online speculation for months now and Internet fan speculation is sure to reach a crescendo in the coming few months left until its release date on June 8th.

Yet, we’re not all that excited about the movie and here’s why:

1.) It’s a prequel

Scott has stated that Prometheus’ links to the first Alien movie will become apparent in the “final seven minutes.” From the trailers and publicity material released thus far it is clear that Prometheus is going to be about the so-called “space jockeys” – the giant dead space alien tantalizingly glimpsed at the beginning of the 1979 movie. (James Cameron called it “the big dental patient” by the way – see pic above.)

The space jockeys have always been a source of constant fan speculation and they’re quite excited that director Scott will finally be supplying some answers.

But we have to wonder whether some questions shouldn’t stay unanswered – after all, do we really want to know how a magician performs his tricks?

While the prospect of original movie director Ridley Scott returning to the Alien universe he helped create is making many fans foam at the mouth, we’re thinking back to a similar geek frenzy that ended in tears. Yup, we’re talking about the Star Wars prequels.

Not that we’re saying that Prometheus is going to be as lousy as Phantom Menace – heavens no! No “meesa people gonna die” here, but as with all prequels there is a feeling of “been there, done that.” We know the studio bigwigs wouldn’t finance Scott’s planned Brave New World and Forever War movie projects, but we really wish they had. Scott has always complained about the Alien vs. Predator movies “diluting” the Alien brand, but by solving one of Alien’s most enduring mysteries we fear that he might be doing the same here.

Do we really need the mystery of the space jockey solved? Do we need to know how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader? Or what happened to the Norwegian camp in The Thing? We don’t think so . . .

2.) Supermodel shoot in space

One of the reasons why we love the original Alien movie so much is because the crew of the Nostromo looked like ordinary working folks. The crew of the Prometheus all look like supermodels.

Sure, it was the 1970s. Look at the beach scenes in the first Jaws movie: they look like the type of people who you actually get to see on public beaches. If they were to remake Jaws today they’d get extras from a model agency! In contrast the crew of the Nostromo looks just like the sort of working stiffs you’d expect to work on a commercial towing spaceship.

Maybe we’re just kinda tired of good-looking people in movies here and feel oppressed by the figures of beauty . . .

3.) CGI

Scott has apparently gone to great lengths to build some physical sets (particularly the one featuring that giant head statue seen in the movie posters) but some scenes in the trailer especially of the alien planet landscape look like something about of a videogame.

4.) Those daft goldfish bowl spacesuits

They really look crap. Compare them to the clunky spacesuit designs by John Mollo in the first movie (see above). They look as if they might actually work!

Already Prometheus is looking more technologically advanced than the movie it is supposed to be a prequel to – a problem with the Star Wars prequels too.

5.) It’s directed by Ridley Scott

At 74, picking on Ridley Scott feels like picking on a pensioner at a bus stop or something.

However, here we go:

Critical opinion on Ridley Scott sure has changed. Today he is lauded as one of the greatest film directors ever and sure, he has an impressive list of movies under his belt as director: Alien, Blade Runner, Thelma & Louise, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down . . .

But back in the day Scott – with his background in television advertising – was seen by many critics as what is wrong with Hollywood blockbusters: all pretty visuals with nothing going on underneath.

And let’s be honest here, he has always had a “hit one, miss one” oeuvre. Don’t believe me? Then look at all the movies he has made in the past decade or so: Robin Hood, Body of Lies, American Gangster, A Good Year, Kingdom of Heaven and Matchstick Men. I mean, come on! How many of these movies do you even remember having seen?

Then we don’t even want to mention Hannibal or G.I. Jane here . . .