STARRING: Ed Quinn, Pascale Hutton,
Cindy Busby, Jessica Parker Kennedy, Ty Olsson, William B. Davis
2011, 90 Minutes, Directed by:
Behemoth promises to be the mother of all creature features with a
dormant creature the size of a volcano about to awake and unleash apocalypse
upon humankind for being right royal jerks and allowing something like George
Lucas tampering with the Star Wars
movies for their Blu-ray release to happen.
However the movie is all
buildup and no payoff.
The said CGI creature only makes an appearance right at
the end of movie just to have its head blown off unceremoniously by our
bazooka-wielding hero. (This doesn’t count as a spoiler as it is shown in the
trailer.) Yup, Behemoth’s “action” finale is even more anti-climactic
than the Obama presidency! Couldn’t the creature at least have stomped one city
before being destroyed? Maybe Ontario? Is that so much to ask?
Instead, most of Behemoth
is all is all foreboding and dark premonition with
X-Files’ Cigarette-Smoking Man
(William B. Davis) babbling on like the crazy street person you try to avoid on
your way to work each morning about nature wanting to wipe out humanity. Some
OTT choral music no doubt cribbed from Jerry Goldsmith’s score for The Omen
doesn’t help either and is more likely to illicit giggles instead of anything
Ultimately Behemoth is a
creature feature without a creature. Its template seems to be one of those
‘Nineties disaster flicks about volcanoes about to erupt. The abrupt ending
seems to be a case of the film-makers running out of cash. “Ah heck,” one can
imagine the producers saying. “Let’s just have Ed blow the thing up as it soon
as it rears its butt ugly head.” As always, the apocalypse turns out to be a
damp squid – quite literally in this case.
However, when it comes to the
low expectation world of movies bearing the dreaded “Syfy Original Movie”
moniker, then Behemoth at least feels and looks like a proper movie
instead of, let’s say, Asylum efforts such as
The Almighty Thor or
Battle of Los Angeles, all of which
feel like something those kids in Super 8
would have made over their summer holiday break.
Behemoth has okay
production values (special effects, photography, outdoor locations, etc.) – for
TV. The screenplay is a cut and paste affair alas. Former Eureka star Ed
Quinn gets to say “let’s get out of here” at least three or four times during
movie as if the screenwriter decided to use this – probably the most overused
phrase in movies along with “you don’t have to do this” – whenever she couldn’t
think of anything else for Quinn’s character to say.